Michelle Williams Talks Battling Through Her Depression Post-Split From Chad Johnson: ‘I Didn’t Think I Would Be Alive’ Today
June 27, 2019
Michelle Williams is hopeful for better days to come after facing a difficult stretch in recent months, which included calling off her engagement to pastor Chad Johnson in December.
In a new interview with Essence, the former Destiny’s Child star opened up at length about her longtime battle with depression and how she grappled with suicidal thoughts following her painful break up.
Related: Celebrity Advice On Grief
The 38-year-old shared the split left her broken and struggling with the same dark thoughts familiar to her from as early as age 13.
“I was weak, very depressed and thinking it was the end of my life. If someone had asked me where I would be today, I didn’t think I would be alive, because I was so broken.”
“It felt as though I had publicly and privately, too, and that was just not like me. And I was like, God, there’s got to be more.”
Michelle and Chad got of a phone in March 2018, but the singer admitted she fell into a deep depression when she began planning their wedding.
Four months later in July, it was reported that the Chad Loves Michelle starlet checked herself into a mental health facility outside of Los Angeles in order to seek professional help.
(c) Michelle Williams/TwitterThe decision was a necessary one after she realized a relationship wasn’t the answer to the feelings she struggled with inside.
She previously admitted to People:
“I thought I was over depression. I thought, ‘I’m good! I’ve got love, I’m working out. But I was so angry. The rage built up in me. I did not attempt suicide, but I was questioning [life].”
Things only seemed to get worse by the time she and Johnson decided to call it quits. That same December, Michelle was forced to step down from a Broadway production of Once On This Island, on doctor’s orders. Per her interview with Essence, she suffered a “nervous breakdown” shortly after opening day.
Things have been going better recently, though!
The recording artist credited remaining present and sticking to a healthy routine for the positive turnaround:
“I am in a better place now. I am not perfect. I’m not preaching. I’m just telling you what I’m doing right now — I’m sticking to my routine. When people say it gets better, it does. It just takes time. The days do get brighter.”
Williams also encouraged others dealing with similar thoughts to address their pain head-on, instead of trying to suppress the difficult emotions:
“But then tell yourself, you’ve got to get up. Because some people won’t tell you to get up or know what to say. I pray you find that inner strength to say, ‘Okay, I’ve been down. I’ve been in this bed too long. I’ve got to get up.’ That’s what I did.”
The star also recently addressed her mental health journey in a May Instagram post for #MentalHealthAwarenessMonth (below):
View this post on Instagram
May is Mental Health Awareness Month. A part of taking care of your mental health is fitness/working out! I know there will be at least one comment that says “Michelle, you’re slim so you don’t need to work out.” I actually work out because of how I feel afterwards. Yes, the physical results I see in the mirror are cool but the place I was in mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally in December is different from where I am today! I sought out @mrshutupandtrain and he’s been “gettin me right!” Two women walked up to me today and said “you have such a light and an inner peace.” I shared my story. It wasn’t always light and peace coming out of me! LOL!! There was anger, disappointment, depression and shame just oozing out of my pores but I had to take control. You have to make yourself a priority or your circumstances will kill you! Work out, make your circle smaller, pray, eat good, be kind, go to therapy and mind ya business is the start of a healthy mind and heart! I’ll share more of my journey!!
A post shared by Michelle Williams (@michellewilliams) on May 8, 2019 at 10:24am PDT
We’re so glad you found you own inner strength, Michelle! We’re always rooting for you.
Oh, and before you go, see her stunning Essence cover (below):
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
[Image via WENN]